Guilty Until Proven

The saying is “innocent until proven guilty.” Well, I know I’m innocent, but I also know I’m guilty. Huh, you ask? How can I be both? Well let me tell you, I am.

I’m innocent because I have not committed any crimes (nor do I plan to!), and I honestly think I’m feeling “normal” Mommy feelings. I’m guilty because I’m finding myself falling back into the remnants of Mommy Guilt. I know, I know – it’s silly, right? So why am I having these thoughts? I don’t know for sure, but here’s my best guess:

Zackery is going to start Kindergarten in the Fall. From what I hear (and I really have to get off my butt – which I really am not on that often as every time I sit down I am immediately rousted up to get something, but – ha! – that’s another story), half-day Kindergarten in the public school is free (as I would expect public school to be). But (sorry, I can’t help it), for full-day it costs money. Personally, I have never heard of paying for full-day Kindergarten. Then again, I have never been responsible for signing someone up for Kindergarten. So, perhaps it’s not odd, but for me, it’s causing some instances of guilt.

We are in a tight financial position right now. I was hoping to save the entire cost of preschool once Zack transitions to Elementary School (OMG that sounds so big and scary! Is he really getting that big?!). I could in fact do this if I opted to only have him go half-day. BUT (underlying theme of this post – again sooo sorry for my inappropriate humor today), I really want him to go full-day. He is used to being in school from 9-3ish, and even if right now it’s only 3 days a week, I think it’s good for him. I realize that Kindergarten will be a full 5 days a week, so even with half-days I will get a little (yes, I mean little) break every day. However, if I have to drop him off at 9 and then pick him up at 11:45, that doesn’t give me much time to get anything done except possibly a quick run to the grocery store, unload at home, give Brayden a snack and then turn right around to go pick up Zack.

Guilty? Yes. I really want more time.

So, what’s a Mommy to do? I guess only time will tell (and the waiting list for full-day Kindergarten). My husband knows my dilemma. I know our financial situation. My friends know what I’m feeling. I know my mental capacity. Bottom line, I guess I shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting more time for myself (which in turn would make me happier: a happier woman, a happier wife, a happier mother – you get the picture). A little extra time of structured activity for Zack and free (half-free, I still would have Brayden) time for me, with minimal cost is definitely cheaper than therapy!

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About pamelazimmer

Stay at home Mom who quit her successful career in Architecture for Motherhood. Her purpose and passion is now to help women heal from Postpartum Depression. Bestselling author and speaker.

Posted on April 4, 2012, in Body, Mind & Spirit and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I know what you mean. My daughter had the same problem with her first: half-days three times a week. She hardly got home when she had to go back to the school. This time around the second daughter is in full day JK but only twice a week and every second Friday. That give ME more time to get stuff done because I babysit.

    Maybe don’t sweat the small stuff? It’ll all work out in the end. Do what you can live with. Be happy.

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