Monthly Archives: February 2012
If you’ve been following along with me lately, you know that I’ve been up late these past few weeks. Well, this morning (and on most Saturdays – thanks, Hon!) I got to sleep in. It was just after 10:00am and I woke up and thought it would be good to get up and get my day started – with a cup of coffee, of course.
I opened the bedroom door and… OMG! What in the world happened in here?! Complete disaster! Toys, books, clothes, rags, drink cups everywhere – I’m not exaggerating – EVERYWHERE! I guess that’s the price I paid for sleeping in and not being in charge of “organizing” the boys (as if you can really “organize” a 4-1/2 year old and a 20 month old – Wow, I can’t believe my boys are already that old!).
I walk down the hall to the office / guest room and politely ask my husband, “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” he asks me back.
(Um, what do you mean, “what do you mean?” – open your eyes. Do you SEE anything wrong here?) Yes, didn’t actually say that. Instead, I said “the house is a disaster.”
“The boys and I were playing.” he calmly replies.
(Oh, okay. Because you have to play with everything all at once, right?). I didn’t really know how to respond to that without being a, well, you know, a B****, so I just smiled and went into the kitchen (trying not to injure myself along the way, through the mine field of could-be-very-painful items to step on).
Fast forward many, many hours (12 to be exact), and the house is once again calm. The boys have been sound asleep for hours, the dishes are clean, toys put away in their proper place (because there is a spot for each and every one of them and don’t even try to put them in the wrong spot…), candles are flickering, my feet are up and my husband and I just finished watching a movie – and yes, without having to pause it (what a treat!). The chaos of this morning has disappeared into the past, and my mind is clear, ready for sleep. I finished my work early today – despite the distractions (visual and the usual others of “I want a snack” every 5 minutes), so there’s no “having” to stay up late tonight. I might even indulge in reading a book in bed. A real, paper book that I have to hold in my hand and manually turn the pages – ah yes, that sounds divine.
I finally gave myself some time yesterday to do some enjoyment reading. I won’t say I’m caught up with the pages and pages of words that seem to multiply every time I turn around, but I read – for me, for pure no-strings-attached joy. As it often happens, whenever I read, it makes me want to write (is this a curse blessing that anyone else experiences?).
Tonight I find myself pondering a question that one of my fellow bloggers posed about finding time. My basic answer (which you can read in the comments on her blog…), I just don’t sleep. Healthy, probably not. My first choice, um, no definitely not. But do I do it (or not, if we’re talking sleep), yes. Am I confusing you yet? I’m confusing myself. Must be my lack of sleep! HA!
Okay, now I’m not a walking insomniac, I do actually go to bed – just late – and I usually don’t sleep that well, but that’s another story. I used to not be this person. I used to be in bed by 10pm, sometimes even earlier, but since having kids and becoming accustomed (as much as my body revolted to) lack of sleep, my bedtime keeps getting pushed later and later, until (too much lately) I’ve been going to bed in the wee hours of early, early morning. There is just so much going on, so many things to do during the day that I don’t want to miss, that now my nights are spent “working.”
I say “working” because I don’t have a traditional go-to-the-office job. I’m not an employee, I don’t clock hours. I have freelance work that I do, I have Get Your Woman On! work that I do, and I have the work I’m doing to get my own business launched and underway (ooh, yes exciting!). Add on top of that the laundry, the dishes, the shopping, the cooking and cleaning, oh and the kids – yes, let us not forget my number one job of being a Stay-at-home-Mom (the hardest BEST job in the whole wide world!). It’s no wonder I don’t sleep.
We’ve all heard of the saying “time flies when you’re having fun.” Well if this is true, then I must be having A LOT of fun! There are just not enough hours in the day to get it all done. By the time I’ve finally caught a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel (which my tunnel is a really, really, really long one), it’s 2am and I’m tripping over my eye lids. If only I could have a dozen few more hours in the day. If the clock just wouldn’t go so fast. If time just wouldn’t fly!
I guess I just have to do the best I can, and sleep when I can (later). We also all know that kids won’t stay kids forever (well, maybe at heart). In the blink of an eye my boys will be all grown up and going off to college – although I’m not ready to even think of that yet (let’s stick with getting to Kindergarten first!).
So time is flying by, really FAST. I’m enjoying every moment (mostly – hey, I’m being honest here). I’m present with my kids, my family, my friends. I’m doing what I want (mostly – again, mostly I really just want to sleep!). Most of all, I’m having FUN! Life can be short, so enjoy it. You only live once! 🙂
Wow, I really need to get my butt in gear! I’m not apologizing or anything, and really it’s of my own doing – or not doing that is. Again, another week sneaks by without a new blog post. I’ve said before, and I guess I need to remind myself, my blog started as a personal outlet for ME. I never intended it for anything other than a place to write and share my stories – in hopes of inspiring and supporting others. So, when my* famous saying “life happens” keeps popping into the forefront, I take notice.
*Okay, it’s not really my famous saying, it’s just a saying I use. It has power, it has meaning, it has forgiveness, and it’s a little more proper (and less naughty – especially with kids around these days) than the all-too-well-known phrase “Shit Happens!”
I’ve been stressed lately. Really stressed. Lots of things are happening. I’ll spare the details (mostly because I get so worked up and frustrated when I list ALL the things swirling around me) and cut to the chase. Um, the chase, yes. Me chasing after myself to keep get caught up! I’m making myself laugh at that image. Ha!
I have a tail, like a dog, a big, furry, cuddly, too big to be a lap dog, dog, and I’m running around in circles panting with my slobbery tongue hanging out trying to catch my tail.
Oh, if the chase of life were only that simple…
I sit here now, writing, smiling and laughing – truly the best medicine (No copays and insurance approvals to deal with, and free!). My last couple posts have been about happiness, and remaining happy despite my circumstances. Maybe this is the lesson I’m supposed to be mastering right now? Maybe this is what I’m supposed to be sharing with you. Inspiring you to be happy amongst all the inevitable bombs of negativity exploding in this mine field of “life,” like pop rocks in a glass of cola. Pop, pop pop, pop POP!
So how and why am I still so happy? Well, that’s like sharing the secret to life!
I’m happy because I’m authentic in everything I do. I don’t hide.
I’m happy because I have the most amazing boys and the most incredible husband.
I’m happy because I know where my life is leading me, and I’m content being patient to let it unfold just the way it’s supposed to.
I’m happy because I choose to be, in every moment, no matter what.
I’m chasing life, but I’m choosing to live my life with happiness along the way.
What are you going to do today to make you happy? 🙂
I’m starting to get into this habit of only posting once a week, which I’m not sure is good nor bad??? For a while I was on a roll, posting several times a week. So what happened? Good question! I think part of the answer is I’m getting more clear as to the direction I am going. I’m taking my own advice of listening to and following my heart, and my heart is telling me to start some other things up. Don’t worry, I’m not leaving my blog or anything – I love this, I’m proud of it, it is important for me – I just have other irons in the fire that need stoking. Boy, I wish I had more than two hands sometimes! HA!
So while I may not have posted every day this week, I am getting more in touch with my purpose and my passion, and isn’t this why I started this in the first place? Yes, it was. That, and to share and inspire, support, educate and guide others (including myself) on this journey of Motherhood. To tell my stories (uncut and honest), to heal myself through writing, and letting the world (well, someday maybe the world, but for now just you…) know that they are not alone and that somewhere out there, someone is going through the same thing.
I did something very brave for myself yesterday. I cut my pills in half. HUH? Yes, I am still taking anti-depressant medication. I have wanted to wean myself for several months, but the day I went to the Doctor and talked to her about my intention, I literally was in tears because I wasn’t ready. How was I ready to be medication-free when I made my appointment, and then be freaked out and terrified to go off them just a few days later? Life is funny that way, and our minds and bodies are extremely intuitive as to what we need. I will say that I have gotten very good at hearing what my body is trying to tell me. I’m not always so good at listening, but my awareness is usually up there, ranking high.
Anyway, as I was saying… I cut my pills in half. Last night.
I have been feeling pretty good lately, which is odd (well, not really for me – I am a glutton for deadlines and procrastination and like to feel busy, even though I do still enjoy a long day of couch surfing in my jammies)… where was I? Oh yes, feeling pretty good, despite being busy. Not just the usual busy of taking care of the kids (as if that isn’t enough), but busy with all of my “irons in the fire.” I’m happy, though. Happy with what I’m doing, what I’m working on. Happy with the people I’m surrounding myself with. Happy with my vision. I have a ton of stress in my life right now, but I am honestly happy – and that makes a huge difference.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this post, but I felt an urge to share my step forward, and also to share that I still have sooo many articles and posts tucked away in my little brain, and someday (soon, I promise…) they will be typed up and posted. Even if no one else reads them, they will be healing for me to have written them “out loud.”