Monthly Archives: June 2012

Happy Birthday Brayden!

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday my sweet, dear, little angel baby Brayden,
Happy Birthday you’re two!

I can’t believe that two years ago today, we worked together, you and I, to bring you into the world for your very 1st breath. Your very 1st moment, your very 1st experience. For the very 1st time we got to see your precious little face and gaze into those beautiful, innocent, big blue eyes. For the 1st time, I felt like our family was now complete.

You have grown so much. You are a toddler! Wow! Just to say that – it’s weird. You’re my little baby snugglebug. You and your brother will always be my babies.

Your words, your thoughts – they amaze me. The way you speak in full sentences and hold conversations – it just blows me away (in such a good way). You are so smart and funny and kind and loving and caring and all the things my little snugglebug should be. You have your favorite songs (Farmer in the Dell and B-I-N-G-O) your favorite books (the Truck Book from the library that unfortunately we had to return but I promise I will check it out again) your favorite lovey (Bunny – I remember when you looked so little and Bunny was so much bigger – now he is this tiny little ruffled, no longer pristine, white bunny that gets flopped around with you) your favorite shows (Thomas the Train and Curious George) and of course your favorite people (Mommy, Daddy and Zackery). I can’t say you’re my favorite (cuz that’s just not true – Zack is my favorite too), but you’re my favorite toddler!!!

Brayden, I love you so, so much. I love the snuggles and hugs and kisses you give. I love your little voice, your soft baby skin and your oh-I-could-grab-them-forever little thighs.
Happy Birthday my dear sweet two-year-old. xoxo

Frazzled and Frustrated

It’s not fun when you butt heads with your kids. Not fun for me, not fun for them.

It’s officially summer (both by the calendar and by the fact that Zack is done with school until the Fall, when he starts Kindergarten – another post, another day). I’m looking forward to spending long days playing in the backyard (our new fenced-in backyard with grass and everything!) with the boys, sipping lemonade (or wine…) and enjoying our new home. I’m looking forward to warmer weather that actually allows us to spend quiet (maybe even romantic – wink, wink Hon) evenings outside without freezing our you-know-whats off. Not looking forward to the wind, but I’ll deal.

So yes, officially summer and 2 months (and counting) until school starts for Zack. For some reason, I don’t know if it’s me or them or both or what – my loving little snugglebugs are driving me c-r-a-z-y! I knew the day would come when little brother Brayden would beat the “heck” out of big brother Zack (payback I guess). Well, it’s not gotten to that point yet, but I am constantly telling Brayden to stop hitting, stop kicking, stop tackling, stop biting your brother. I remember when I used to scream at Zack to get off his brother. Now it’s completely the other way around. Zack is still bigger than Brayden – by a lot – but Brayden seems to somehow manage to get on top of Zack.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like my entire days are filled with separating the two, giving timeouts, sitting down to talk about it, and then repeating – over and over and over and over and… It’s not constant (although it often feels like it), but a good part of my energy is being spun negatively towards my boys. Sometimes even to the point that I am embarassed for how I acted and feel epic amounts of guilt. Yes, so much that I don’t want to write about it – I’m not proud of those moments. I have never physically hurt them, or even hit them, but boy I have been right on the edge of a good spanking (hey, my parents occasionally acted upon their right to discipline – and I turned out okay). For me, it’s more like my throat gets hoarse from all the screaming. And then I cry.

They can play so well together. They can be so loving towards each other. They can help each other and be the wonderful little boys I know they are. I hate being this way. I hate feeling anger towards them. I hate, hate, hate not loving being home with them. So what do I do? My husband says I should get a job to pay for daycare so I can get out of the house a couple days a week. As much as I understand where he’s coming from (and he doesn’t like coming home to find me unhappy, frazzled and frustrated), to me that would be a backwards step to where I want to go. BUT, I don’t know how much more I can suck it up for these 2 months of summer.

Any advice??? Anyone been there? I love my boys more than anything, but my wine budget is going way over these days. 🙂

Moving Right Along

We’ve moved. No more wondering when we’re moving. It’s done – phew! People have been asking if we’re all settled in and unpacked. Well, yes and no! 🙂 The boys have settled into running wild in their new house, and really have had no problems adjusting – thank goodness!!! They’ve both slept great from night one, and Brayden’s naps have been pretty normal too. Boxes are slowly being emptied and put away (even if just in a temporary location until I meticulously decide where best to put things). The kitchen is half contact-papered (this is one thing I really do not enjoy doing, but… well, you know).

Two nights ago I went next door (to my best friend’s house – yes, remember literally right next door to my best friend of 15 years) to have a glass of wine outside. Will had some work to do so he stayed home while the boys were sleeping, although we probably could have brought the baby monitor over and it probably would have worked just fine. We’ve used this particular monitor while camping before and it’s got a pretty good range. Anyway, it was nice to just pop next door for an hour or so and relax. Really, really nice.

I feel like things still haven’t sunk in for me yet. I haven’t really been home (in the new house) much since we moved. Zackery is still in school so I’m driving back up to Truckee and hanging out with Brayden at a friend’s so he can nap until the school day is over and we drive back down to Reno. I was at home all day with both boys yesterday, and got a lot done (relatively speaking), but I don’t feel like our schedule is consistent yet. Maybe next week, once school’s done…

I saw my old neighbor a couple days ago too. Had to return a cooler we borrowed from the move. Was good to see her and talk to her (it had only been one day, but still). We both cried. I miss her already. That’s the hardest part about this whole move: my emotional support from my friends. BUT, as many people (including the little voice inside my head – yes, I hear you!) have pointed out, I am only 30 minutes away, and HELLO – best friend right next door!

Let’s talk benefits now. The day of the move I tried to order pizza for our friends who were helping us load up the U-Haul, and being in Truckee on a Sunday morning, we ended up sending my Dad to get Subway sandwiches, which took 45 minutes. That same evening, once unloaded down in Reno, we got Chinese take-out, in all of about 10 minutes. And then it was the 10pm run to WalMart (have to admit never been a huge fan of this store, but we kind of can’t afford not to go) to get contact paper (see above… ha ha). That store is HUGE. Dangerously huge! So, benefits? Yes, in the form of conveniences. Many, many (cheaper) conveniences.

I’m looking forward to spending our first weekend at our new home. Enjoying the yard, maybe throwing some burgers on the grill, and not stressing about when we’re going to move, because that’s now done, and we’re moving right along.

Goodbye. Hello.

Goodbye home, hello new house.
Goodbye hurt, anger & pain, hello happiness.
Goodbye sadness, hello excitement.
Goodbye.
Hello.
 
Goodbye to an old chapter, hello to a new one.
Goodbye to individual memories, hello to family memories.
Goodbye to being alone, hello to help.
Goodbye.
Hello.
 
Goodbye to trees falling, hello to grass with a fenced in yard.
Goodbye stairs, hello one level.
Goodbye ice & snow, hello hot summer sunshine.
Goodbye.
Hello.
 
Goodbye fears, hello future.
Goodbye.
Hello.

4 Days and Counting

It’s Wednesday – almost Thursday – and we’re moving on Sunday, in four days.

I think I’m doing pretty well (with the packing), although I still feel like I have a TON left. It’s all the little things, like my hairbrush and the the few DVD’s the boys are still watching and the junk drawer in the kitchen. Speaking of which, why does everyone I know have a junk drawer? If it’s junk, why do we even have it or need it? But, I guess, where else would I put the menus the scissors the coupons and the pens?

Aside from the emotion of moving out of my home (and into a new one – yes, I have to keep telling myself that), I’m managing to hold it together. We’ll get it all done (I might not sleep Saturday night), but we’ll get moved.

So, it’s the last Wednesday I will sleep here. Tomorrow will be the last Thursday I will spend here. The day after will be the last Friday my husband comes home to this house to join the boys and I for dinner. And then Saturday… the last day.

Four days and counting… tick, tock, tick, tock.

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