Frazzled and Frustrated

It’s not fun when you butt heads with your kids. Not fun for me, not fun for them.

It’s officially summer (both by the calendar and by the fact that Zack is done with school until the Fall, when he starts Kindergarten – another post, another day). I’m looking forward to spending long days playing in the backyard (our new fenced-in backyard with grass and everything!) with the boys, sipping lemonade (or wine…) and enjoying our new home. I’m looking forward to warmer weather that actually allows us to spend quiet (maybe even romantic – wink, wink Hon) evenings outside without freezing our you-know-whats off. Not looking forward to the wind, but I’ll deal.

So yes, officially summer and 2 months (and counting) until school starts for Zack. For some reason, I don’t know if it’s me or them or both or what – my loving little snugglebugs are driving me c-r-a-z-y! I knew the day would come when little brother Brayden would beat the “heck” out of big brother Zack (payback I guess). Well, it’s not gotten to that point yet, but I am constantly telling Brayden to stop hitting, stop kicking, stop tackling, stop biting your brother. I remember when I used to scream at Zack to get off his brother. Now it’s completely the other way around. Zack is still bigger than Brayden – by a lot – but Brayden seems to somehow manage to get on top of Zack.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like my entire days are filled with separating the two, giving timeouts, sitting down to talk about it, and then repeating – over and over and over and over and… It’s not constant (although it often feels like it), but a good part of my energy is being spun negatively towards my boys. Sometimes even to the point that I am embarassed for how I acted and feel epic amounts of guilt. Yes, so much that I don’t want to write about it – I’m not proud of those moments. I have never physically hurt them, or even hit them, but boy I have been right on the edge of a good spanking (hey, my parents occasionally acted upon their right to discipline – and I turned out okay). For me, it’s more like my throat gets hoarse from all the screaming. And then I cry.

They can play so well together. They can be so loving towards each other. They can help each other and be the wonderful little boys I know they are. I hate being this way. I hate feeling anger towards them. I hate, hate, hate not loving being home with them. So what do I do? My husband says I should get a job to pay for daycare so I can get out of the house a couple days a week. As much as I understand where he’s coming from (and he doesn’t like coming home to find me unhappy, frazzled and frustrated), to me that would be a backwards step to where I want to go. BUT, I don’t know how much more I can suck it up for these 2 months of summer.

Any advice??? Anyone been there? I love my boys more than anything, but my wine budget is going way over these days. 🙂

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About pamelazimmer

Pamela Zimmer is a #1 bestselling author and speaker, transforming her personal pain and experience of Postpartum Depression into her purpose and passion. Through her #1 bestselling book, Reclaim The Joy of Motherhood, and her mentorship program, The HAPPY Mommy Method™, Pamela guides mothers on a healing journey from battling their own Postpartum Depression to embracing motherhood with joy.

Posted on June 22, 2012, in General Parenting and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I offer this carefully because what might work for some absolutely won’t work for others. And you’ve just moved to a new neighborhood and house, which intensifies pressure (for you and for them.) Here are a possibility: Separate them; trade “time outs” with a friend you trust, two mornings to be repaid later. One morning only one boy goes to play and the other stays and does something special with you. The next morning the other stays, etc. Everyone gets a change of scenery and a change of focus. And then when the two mornings are repaid, with friends visiting, the social environment changes. If it doesn’t, ask your husband for some details about his suggestion…

    • Thanks Marylin, great advice. My best friend lives next door, with her 8-yr-old (whom my 4-1/2 yr adores), but they are on vacation right now. In fact, the 3 days they were still here right after we moved, before their trip, the 3 boys played great together. Change of scenery does a lot of good!

  2. And here I am, crying about how I can’t spend the summer with my soon-to-be kindergartener this year! How green your grass seems to me, and vice-versa. I just went to his PreK graduation, but couldn’t settle down on the blanket for the picnic because I had to rush back to work. Luckily, Daddy, big brother, uncle and grandma were there, and I left them, lounging and eating their hot dogs. I tried hard not to look back.

    I totally understand and have felt that sense of frazzle you’re describing. I think getting you and the boys out of the house as early and as much as possible will help. Is there a beach nearby? A park? It’s a new neighborhood, but do you notice other neighbors sitting outside with their kids? If so, pull up a chair and join them. My new neighbors have a kind of kids’ club thing going every evening– parents lounge in their chairs, sipping wine, while the kids run like crazy across two or three yards.

    On super hot days, take them inside a cool movie theater for a flick they’d enjoy, which gives you a couple of hours to de-stress.

    Alternatively, what summer programs could you put them in for a few weeks. Are you a member of a gym that has a daycare? If so, drop them off there while you get an hour of so workout on, go to the sauna, etc.

    And try to enjoy your summer. 🙂

    • Grass is always greener, huh?! I remember when my older son was young and I had to go back to work. I longed to be home with him. And now I have the luxury of staying home with both my boys – but I can’t seem to stop feeling guilty for wanting everything perfect. I know there are parks and other really cool (free) fun things to do around here. I took them to the library this afternoon. “Wow, Mom! This library is big!” It definitely helped.
      For you, I know it’s hard and pulls at your heart – I was there. Been there, done that. If you ever want to come visit my grass, it’s fenced in and you’re welcome. 🙂

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