PPD Update – Number I Don’t Know What
It’s been a while since I’ve written about PPD. Postpartum Depression that is. I had it. I had it bad. I got through it. It’s over and done. I’m better – and now I just get to deal with normal every day stresses (not sure which is better – having an excuse or not). Possible excuses aside, I wanted to write about my PPD. I’ve written about it before, but it’s been a while, so here goes again.
I’m officially 100% off my meds. I can ignore the “current medications” box on forms at the doctors office. I can forget about having to remember to take my happy pill. It feels good to not be putting anything unnecessary into my body (I do enough of that with the wine and food I indulge in
every now and then). I feel stronger. More like the woman I know I am. I’m gaining my confidence back, feeling more empowered and ready to get back into the “real” world.
I’ve also been visioning up my new business, Love and Mommy Hugs: Supporting Women With or at risk of Postpartum Depression. I’ve had the vision for a while. I’ve had the passion to help people for a long time. I’ve been stuck and not sure where to go, how to focus, or where to start. I have now checked all those off my list and I’m clear on my direction and intention again. That alone is freeing and cleansing. Therapeutic. I don’t like feeling stuck, but I have been.
I found a couple websites that I consistently go to, both to learn more about PPD, but also as a connection to a community that shares similar experiences. Having a place where I know I am not the only one going through something is so important, even (and especially) now. I think it’s important for me to keep that. To keep a connection – somewhere, even if it’s a virtual connection online – is crucial. The feeling of isolation (which I was reminded of just the other day from a wonderful woman I was talking to about being stuck), was paralyzing. I don’t want to go back there.
Community. It’s all about community and relationships. Everything is. Family, friends, your health. Even the relationship you have with yourself. Knowing you don’t “feel” right is a big awareness towards the relationship you have with your body, mind and spirit. For me, when I was in the depths of my PPD, I knew I wasn’t myself. I just didn’t know how to get myself back because it had been so long since I knew who I was that I had forgotten who my normal self was. I know who I am now, and who I am has changed. I’ve shifted – in a good way. Flexibility is something not only as a physical measurement, and especially as a Mother (you all know what I’m talking about), we have to be flexible. When you’re child has a fever in the middle of the night and you’re supposed to watch someone else’s child the next morning – you both have to be flexible. Plans change. Things happen. Life goes on.
I’m happy to be on the path I’m on now. I’m excited about my next step. Baby steps, but a step forward none the less. I’m excited to have the opportunity to help others going through PPD. I’m glad that my horrible, deep, dark abyss had meaning. And what I’m most happy about, is being happy again!