Monthly Archives: December 2012
It’s the end of the year (not the end of the world). Farewell 2012! Goodbye all those unpleasant happenings. Goodbye stress, fatigue and exhaustion. Goodbye sadness, anger and frustration. Goodbye and good riddance!
Hello 2013. Welcome! Hello happiness, joy and love. Hello fun, spontaneity and celebration. Hello health, beauty and energy.
I am ready for a new me. I am ready to change. I am ready to start fresh and feel good – in ALL ways. So I say to 2013: BRING IT ON!
Cheers to a Happy New Year!!
It’s December 21, 2012. 12/21/12. Supposedly it’s the end of the world. I don’t believe it is. I am not judging those that believe otherwise, I just choose to believe our world has a long journey ahead, with endless peace and happiness to come. What happened last week in CT was devastating. Heartbreaking. Horrific. I can’t imagine how those families are feeling with the loss they suffered. Honestly, I don’t know much of the details as it’s been too hard for me to watch the news or read about it. I would rather fill my mind with joy, but I also don’t want to be naive.
Both my boys are in school today, so I actually have a minute to myself – to breathe and stretch and think. Today, I am choosing to stay positive and light. I am choosing to listen, but not get sucked into the conversations around me. I am choosing to focus on Christmas with family and friends.
Both my boys have their Christmas parties at school today – and I can’t wait! Brayden, bless his little heart, has had a hard time in the mornings being dropped off at preschool (even though it’s only 2 days a week), but I know he has so much fun because at home all he talks about is his new little friend and his favorite teacher. Today, however, he was actually excited to get in the car and go because of his Christmas party. It made me smile to know he wanted to go. When we got there his favorite teacher immediately greeted him and, as usual, picked him up so I could get on with my day. Is there a little Mommy guilt in there, well, of course, but I know he’s in great hands and enjoying himself throughout the day.
Zackery and I waited in the car for a bit before going in to his school, as it is CRAZY windy here today. Luckily it was indoor recess so we only almost got blown away for a few minutes while walking from the car to the front doors of school. And then, it was varying degrees of happiness, worry, fear, anger and everything in between. Again, I listened, vowing not to be naive, but I chose to keep a smile on my face and keep my strength front and center for my boy.
As his bell rang, I walked Zackery to his Kindergarten class, helped him get settled, gave him a giant hug and even a kiss (I am also blessed that I can still do this in front of all his friends!). I’m going back later in the day to help with his party, organizing a holiday craft for the class. I’m anxious. I love to volunteer in his class, but I also just want to be with him – even if just in the same room.
I am sad about the tragedy last week. I am angry about it. I feel empathy. But I also won’t let those events change the wonderous holiday that is just right around the corner. Christmas. I am happy to have the most beautiful tree we cut down as a family. I am happy to have the stockings hung and decorations all over the house. I am happy to have the scent of pine lofting through the air. I am happy to have presents under the tree. I am happy to be blessed with the best boys a Mother could ever ask for (99.9999% of the time).
When today is over and the boys are getting ready for bed, I will wrap them up with the most special smiles and cuddles a Mommy could give. That is what I am most happy about.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, keep smiling – the world needs peace and joy.
One might assume that when speaking about “loose screws” I might be referring to the state of my mind. I can’t blame those thoughts from appearing, as it seems totally logical that I might have a few loose screws rattling around in this brain of mine, much like a broken bag of marbles on a freshly polished floor, just rolling along to nowhere in particular. However, these loose screws that I am referring to today happen to be the six giant titanium screws I had surgically removed from my knees just five days ago. Ouch! I know!
Thirteen years ago I had pretty major knee surgery – both knees (not at the same time – gosh that would be CRAZY! – nothing like the double knee surgery I JUST had…) in which they drilled my bones and screwed them back into place, three screws in each knee. Most recently, they had been bothering me quite persistently and I chose to have them removed, which in similar patients to me, is quite common. It was a “minor” surgery – if there really is such a thing. I still had to be prepped (which included the fasting of any and all foods past midnight and no liquids past 4am – ah, that part wasn’t so bad. I made myself a grilled cheese and avocado sandwich at 9:30pm and drank enough water before I went to bed so I wouldn’t wake up thirsty; I’m surprised I didn’t leak like a sieve during the night), and I still had to go “under.” That part is always a little sketchy for me. It was my fourth time (once for each knee way back when, and then once when I had my wisdom teeth pulled), but I was still quite nervous – understandably.
Anyway, I won’t bore you with details or gore you with anything else, but I will share that I am sitting here now with an ice pack on each knee, because yes I was CRAZY and did them both at the same time. Everything went great, normal procedure, and I even got to keep the screws (which I was planning on taking a picture of for this post – don’t worry, they’re fully sanitized – but that would involve actually getting up, hobbling to the kitchen to get the camera, hobbling back into my bedroom to take the picture, hobbling into the office to download the picture to my ancient – a.k.a. slow – computer, and then hobbling back around the house to, well, to just hobble some more). Needless to say, there will be no photo to go with this post – please accept my humble apologies.
Okay, where was I – this percocet must be kicking in… Oh yes, I am sitting on my bed with my laptop, ice packs on my knees, thankful that it all went well and that I am able to hobble around without the old-lady walker (no offense meant there) and even for the first time, no crutches today! It is a milestone day today. I can walk! I will admit, slowly, v e r y v e r y s l o w l y, but I can put one foot in front of the other and move forward – or whichever way I so choose to move. It’s kind of metaphorical. Baby steps. One foot in front of the other.
My boys have been great through all of this. All three of them. Will has really taken care of me and taken care to see that I’m taken care of. And he’s gotten a bit of a taste of taking care of the boys all by himself (as I hid in our bedroom passed out on pain killers for the first two days). Zackery has been super helpful too, and comes running in every morning and after school to see how I’m doing and to just say he loves me. Bless him I think I’ve heard more “I love you’s” from him – and from Brayden – this past week than months combined. I do truly feel loved. I’ve had a babysitter the last two nights to help me with bedtime since I still don’t have strength enough in my left leg to pick Brayden up, let alone stand up with him after rocking him in the chair for bed. He has been sad and wanting Mommy to put him to bed and rock him, but he has been wonderful in letting the babysitter do it and understanding that it wouldn’t be so good for Mommy to fall down and drop him – nope, not so fun!
So with baby steps I progress – to full mobility of my legs, and to full potential of my purpose in life. One foot in front of the other. And if every now and then I have to remove some loose screws, well then so be it.